Two Poems for Kimowan

I.

Does death give me the right
to do anything differently?

When the very British stationmaster
stopped me at the train’s open door,
my blame slapped him in the face.
Will I stop
resisting the world…

And on Platform 3a,
another stationmaster
lent his phone and kindness
with a steady hazel eye
and reminded me to erase
my password.  He was thinking
to spare me later worry.
He must have been.

My friend has died
in the last three risings
of the sun.
No one, no one sees it
in my face,
but do I expect
some excess of care
from the blank face
of the universe?

Nothing’s enough,
everything’s too much,
no one ever wanted me to speak
in my full voice.
No one wanted me to be
who I am, entirely,
but did I?

I wish to speak with my friend,
who looked on me with only approval.
I wish to speak with him
of what he now sees
without the dark, peaceful worlds
of his eyes.

II.

The screaming children
with their sharp needles
of sound,  their guttural agonies,
are myself,
with my laments
and blame.

Take away this thing that is bothering me,
the American says.
I will pay.

Can that not happen?
Not in an American World.
I will speak to a manager,
I will buy the company.
I will fire all of you
and hire people who know what they’re doing.

I will buy quiet;
I will buy
a peaceful heart
big enough
to accept
all
that cannot be otherwise.

 

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About annhumphreys

I travel and teach hoopdance as a movement meditation. Yes, I mean meditative movement with a hula-hoop. The hoop can playfully and gently bring anyone into their embodied center and open the world of dance and creative expression. My greatest joy is to witness this blossoming in my classes and workshops. http://lineandcircle.com/
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4 Responses to Two Poems for Kimowan

  1. Chills. Thank you Ann. You’ve been so much on my mind. These poems help me see you where you are at right now, physically, emotionally. Thanks for sharing your truth.

  2. Bonnie says:

    I am in awe. You raw honesty. Thank you for sharing these with us. My While I long to hold your heart and care for it, I am slowly learning that we all grieve differently and most do it in our own way. My thoughts are with you daily as is my love.

  3. Laura Shmania says:

    I remember in the days after my sister died, I thought the world should come to a complete stand-still, reflecting the vacuum that had been created in my heart through that loss. The most shocking thing about death is that Life Goes On. Sending you peace and strength. Laura (laraflites)

  4. jessherself says:

    ❤ ❤ ❤

    Your poems are so stark and raw. I appreciate every word of them. I feel like I got to know Kimo better through your posts about him and for that I am grateful. My heart is very much with you and everyone he touched.

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